June 15, 2019 Deep Murder (Movie Review)
The world of softcore porn is not a very deep world to penetrate, as it is thronged with stock characters. It lacks any real plot or purpose and does more for one’s amusement than their intended arousal. On the other hand, the world of softcore snuff is like an oasis in the dry, arid, cinematic desert that some Horror and Comedy fans may find themselves trapped in. In the new film Deep Murder, shallowness has never been deeper than the quicksand of crap the people involved step into.
Hitting theaters and On Demand as of Friday, June 14th via Screen Media Films, Deep Murder is the directorial feature film debut of former Funny or Die Staff Writer/Director/Actor Nick Corirossi, who has also lent his voice to animated series like Comedy Central’s Moonbeam City, and Adult Swim’s Hot Streets – for which he still remains a writer for today. A hilarious homage to everything horrendous about softcore porn, it was written by Quinn Beswick (Here’s to You, Charlie Brown: 50 Great Years 2000, New Partner series), Josh Margolin (My Boyfriend is A Robot series, New Partner series), Benjamin Smolen (TripTank series), and Nikolai von Keller.
Making it even more appealing, it includes an amazing cast such as Jerry O’Connell (Stand by Me 1986, Kangaroo Jack 2003) as the totally deceptive dude, Doug Dangler; Christopher McDonald (Thelma & Louise 1991, Happy Gilmore 1996) as his incessantly preoccupied businessman brother, Richard Dangler; Katie Aselton (The Freebie 2010, The Gift 2015) as “Bad Mommy” and Dick’s cheating wife, Babs Dangler; and Beswick as her nerdy virgin son lookin’ to pop his cherry before he becomes the laughing stock of college, Hugh Dangler.
In addition to the Dangler family, the movie also featured Stephanie Drake (Mad Men series, All the Creatures Were Stirring 2018) as the award-winning “Weather Scientist,” Dr. Bunny Van Clit; Chris Redd (Saturday Night Live, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping 2016) as high school “Senior” football star, Jace Jizz; Jessica Parker Kennedy (The Flash series, Black Sails series) as the ditsy and lollipop-obsessed eye candy referred to only as Babysitter; and Margolin as self-assured super-sleuth, Detective Brock Cross.
Equally important to its [wet] dream of a cast and resultant characters, Deep Murder reared an appropriately absurd and nonsensical storyline that not only grabbed viewers by surprise, but then held them down and gave them exactly the immutable tickle they have been begging for. In this particular soft-core world, a storm by the name of Hurricane Muff is on the warpath, and the city has been evacuated; minus the melting pot of mindless morons shacked up in a fittingly [awfully] decorated mansion with absolutely no knowledge of anything existing outside of sex and the massive estate.
Luckily, Dr. Bunny Van Clit (Drake) has arrived on the scene to warn the horny house-guests of the nature of the devastating storm, but not before it is discovered that someone has fallen victim to foul foreplay, within its palace walls, and is now dead as a result. Not knowing what to do in a situation where sex is not the final solution, the remaining survivors try to formulate a plan. Eventually Private Dick, Brock Cross (Margolin), shows up to help, but really just proves himself to be just as useless as the rest of them. How many archetypal afterlives will go down if they continue to remain clueless – super hot and sex-crazed, but clueless nonetheless?
To say nothing of the nostalgia felt when watching this tribute to throwback “Skinimax” – and the lengths one used to go to, or the challenges endured just to be able to catch a grainy, staticky glimpse of hopefully some kind of partial nudity or dirtiness – would be doing this film a huge disservice. It is brilliant in a brainless and imbecilic way, and without ever becoming boring or vexatious; which is commendable in and of itself.
Excellent on literally all fronts, Deep Murder was sarcastically erotic and incredibly riotous, as it was crammed with dry humor and gags that leaves you wetter than any softcore porn has ever left you before, which is why Cryptic Rock gives this film 4.5 out of 5 stars.