Arriving in theaters through A24 on October 10, 2025, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You delivers a darkly funny, nerve-pricking descent into the chaos of modern motherhood.
Written and directed by Mary Bronstein, her first feature since 2008’s indie Yeast, the film finds Rose Byrne (Bridesmaids 2011 Insidious: The Red Door 2023) at her sharpest and most vulnerable as Linda, with striking support performances from former late-night host Conan O’Brien and musician A$AP Rocky (Highest to Lowest 2025). Audiences follow Linda as her life unravels under the weight of her child’s mysterious illness, an absent husband, and a therapist who may be doing more harm than good. Bronstein pulls us into a world that’s equal parts absurd and unnerving. It’s a film unafraid to dwell in discomfort, exposing the raw, unfiltered reality of what it means to keep functioning when everything around you is falling apart.
Byrne delivers a performance of striking rawness and intensity, fully inhabiting Linda’s unraveling world with a magnetic, almost unsettling authenticity. Every look, sigh, and outburst feels lived-in, conveying the exhaustion, fear, and frustration of a mother stretched to her limits. Byrne doesn’t shy away from the messiness of her character’s emotions. The desperation, the fleeting moments of dark humor, the sharp edges of anger and grief make her feel heartbreakingly real. Even as Linda makes poor or self-destructive decisions, Byrne plays her with such honesty and nuance that the audience continues to empathize deeply, understanding the fear and pressure driving her actions.
Adding an unexpected but effective layer to the film is O’Brien as Linda’s therapist. At first, his casting feels unconventional (he’s a comedian, after all), yet he brings the perfect blend of awkwardness, gravitas, and subtle menace. Both Linda and the audience are kept off-balance by his presence, never quite sure whether to trust him, which amplifies the tension and unpredictability of their interactions. A$AP Rocky also surprises with genuine acting chops as James. His character feels like someone you might encounter at a seedy hotel, yet audiences, like Linda, are drawn in by his charm, constantly teetering between suspicion and trust. Together, Byrne, O’Brien, and Rocky populate a world that is raw, unsettling, and utterly compelling.
Visually, the film is striking and distinctive, using tight close-ups that intensify the feeling of the protagonist’s world closing in. Bronstein deliberately chooses to obscure the daughter’s face, centering the story on the mother’s perspective and thereby heightening the narrative focus on her experience. The sound design is equally precise and unnerving; the daughter’s persistent whining and the husband’s intense phone calls become key storytelling tools, amplifying the tension and placing audiences squarely in a state of high anxiety. Rather than relying on a traditional musical score, Bronstein employs a meticulously crafted soundscape that mirrors Linda’s psychological unraveling, making the chaos of her life feel immediate, oppressive, and viscerally unsettling.
Beneath its darkly comedic surface, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You offers a piercing look at the pressures and contradictions of modern motherhood. Bronstein delves unflinchingly into the pressures of modern motherhood, exposing the impossible expectations placed on women to manage every aspect of their lives flawlessly while remaining emotionally available to their children. The film also examines mental health and personal boundaries, made all the more ironic — and occasionally darkly funny — by the fact that Linda herself is a therapist, expected to navigate her own unraveling while advising others. This irony underscores the absurdity and difficulty of maintaining control in her own life without adequate support.
Through Linda’s experiences, audiences are confronted with the often invisible struggles of mothers, whose challenges are minimized or overlooked by society (and sometimes their own loved ones). In doing so, the film resonates far beyond its tense, unsettling plot, offering a sharp, empathetic reflection on the realities of caregiving in the modern age. While not an easy watch, the film offers an important and unflinching look at the complexities of modern womanhood. This is why Cryptic Rock gives If I Had Legs I’d Kick You 4 out of 5 stars.
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