Steel Panther – All You Can Eat (Album review)

Steel Panther, formerly known as Metal Skool, is the most legendary parody band to ever be blessed by the Devil.  Comprised of vocalist Michael Starr, drummer Stix Zadinia, bassist Lexxi Foxx and guitarist Satchel, Steel Panther has been melting faces since they were kicked out of Hell sometime around 2009.  Since then they have released three studio albums: Feel the Steel (2009), Balls Out (2011), and most recently All You Can Eat which was released April 1^st of this year under Open E Records.

All You Can Eat is over the top, lewd, and everything else you would expect from the Four Whoresmen of the Rockpocalypse. They kick the album off with “Pussywhipped”; a face melting reminder of all the terrible downsides of not being single: you cannot go drinking with your bros whenever you want and casual sex with strange women is not an option. The next track is “Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World” and was the first single released off the album. The entire song patronizes sex, getting wasted, and rock ‘n’ roll  in wicked fashion. Obviously you should celebrate the last day before the Rapture by getting hammered and sleeping with anyone or anything. This is the soundtrack to do it to, and hell, if the world does not end you can head to the “Gloryhole” and keep the debauchery binge rolling. We have all heard of this magical place, and like most of All You Can Eat that is all this song is about. It does not matter who is on the other side, it is just about getting your rocks off. It could be a troll, it could be a super model, it could be anyone, but you are never going to find out so just enjoy the ride.

There is a little more to this album than promoting indulgences of the flesh. There is an important message in the music too. “The Burden of Being Wonderful” details the plights Steel Panther faces every day. It is hard being so naturally talented, beautiful, and in all of his genius Michael Starr managed to give us a song that explains these perils in terms regular people can understand. “You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk” is about the beautiful but dull. “If I Was The King” is food for thought on who we choose to lead us. Who needs crap like minimum drinking ages and schools? Would it not be better if clothes were illegal for chicks and you could have a blast  in the strip joints? We are talking about a world free of pop trash. Sold!

All You Can Eat is the metal album every band from the 80’s wishes they could have produced but had a little too much common decency left to lay the tracks down. In all seriousness, this album is totally bitchin’; it is musically incredible, the lyrics are hilarious, and it makes a great gift for those with a good sense of humor! Even the album art is awesome, the cover is a provocative re-imagining of The Last Supper. Front door, back door, even the magical 4^th hole is open for business with this one. It truly is a Maserati in a world of Kias. CrypticRock gives All You Can Eat 4.5 out of 5 stars.